Myth 5

Below is an excerpt from Shannon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn's Every Young Woman's Battle. This particular passage has given me a different perspective in understanding the battle in many relationships specifically dealing with emotional compromise. This book is a great read for anyone desiring to achieve or reclaim sexual purity and integrity. It teaches the importance of guarding your mind, heart and body when it comes to dealing with love in a society that promotes sex, attention from guys, emotional compromise and other harmful pressures that women deal with.

In a list of seven myths the authors gave that "intensify our struggle," here was one that stood out to me, Myth 5:

My love will save him. I can change him.

Don't make the mistake of dating a guy who needs some major repair work before you could consider him marriage material. Many young women are drawn to a guy's wild, rebellious side and then set out on a mission to mold him into the kind of man they really want him to be. We hate to break it to you, but you can't change or save anyone. Only God is in the business of doing that successfully. The research has already been done. A woman's love does not change a broken man's behavior. It only validates it. Her love says to him, "You are okay the way you are!"

When a young woman attempts to be her boyfriend's savior, she often gets hurt big time. In his book The Biblical Basis of Christian Counseling for People Helpers, Gary Collins gives us insight into this reality as he explains the "messiah complex"

The "messiah complex" refers to the tendency for caring people....to become rescuers who try to deliver other from their problems and difficult life circumstances. At times, almost all of us want to be like messiahs, saving people from their dysfunctional families, enslaving addictions, or self-destructive lifestyles....

But when people try to be rescuers, the rescuers almost always end up being hurt. Even so, we are still tempted at times to be like a messiah. A friend states, "It would be nice if I could rescue people from their pain and release them from their problems...but whenever I am tempted to try taking on that role, I remember how powerless I am and I think about what happened to the real Messiah. He was crucified."

If you don't care to be crucified emotionally in a dating relationship, leave the saving and changing of others to the Lord. Instead, simply pray for guys who have a lot of growing up and changing to do before they can be considered good marriage material.

Remember, what you date is what you are going to marry. Be sure that the young men you date do not need a character overhaul, by you or anyone else.