To Have And To Hold

Last week, intriguing conversation arose while studying the book of Matthew with friends. In The Sermon on the Mount, divorce is discussed in verses 31-32 of Chapter 5. The gist of this passage states those who get a divorce or enter into a relationship with someone who has been divorced caused by the sin of adultery is committing adultery.

Our discussion was riveting, but I found myself personally wrestling with one question brought to the table. If unfaithfulness occurs (sexual immortality, abuse etc.) in a marriage, should both parties be devoted to the covenant they made, continue in the marriage and work together to honor God? In other words, if my spouse abused me or committed adultery, is it my responsibility to continue to pray for him, remain in the covenant of marriage and stay devoted to him as a wife? My initial human response is, No, I don’t deserve that, as I’ve remained faithful. However, when we choose to enter into a marriage, isn’t God calling us to a greater purpose than simply satisfying our own needs and desires? Isn’t marriage so much more than a piece of life intended to fulfill our worldly happiness?

As we continued to discuss various perceptions, a couple of personal stories surfaced. Both stories were recent and true.

The first was about a couple married for quite some time; they had children. The husband was not a Christian, while the wife was and they entered and lived their marriage as so. The husband developed a drinking problem and eventually began abusing the wife and young children. While the wife was scared for herself as well as her children, she did not want to leave her husband because she had made a commitment to him and God the day they made their vows. For safety, she and the children moved into a different house, while she continued to remain in the marriage. She prayed for her husband daily and reassured him she would not break her commitment to him. After five years, her husband came to know the Lord, repented of his sinful nature and their marriage was restored. Today, they have a faithful, loving marriage and they use their story as a testimony of the power of God’s promises.

The second story was about a couple also married for quite a few years. The husband traveled frequently. While away, the wife continuously cheated on her husband. After a few years, her husband became knowledgeable of the adultery his wife had committed. The husband went to his wife and apologized profusely for not being a better husband for her to feel as though she needed to seek elsewhere. She wept as she admitted her wrongdoing. They worked through this pain and are living in a committed marriage to this day.

Both stories highlighted strong character to me. In the first, the woman was inconceivably faithful to God and her promise in marriage. She held her commitment to the Lord and her husband by completely putting her own desires aside and literally giving her life to God. Through her faithfulness, she was rewarded. In the second story, the actions of the husband shocked me. Of course, the wife had made her decision to be unfaithful in her marriage and admitted to doing so, but the character of the man to take spiritual responsibility for what went wrong, is beyond description.

This concept of faithfulness is obviously applicable to the covenant of marriage, but what about looking at it from the standpoint of our calling to be obedient to God in all aspects? We are called to do radical things from a worldly outlook. We have to learn to put our flesh aside and fully submit ourselves to a God who loves us unconditionally and promises to fulfill even the unknown desires of our heart. It’s inspiring to have tangible examples of human flesh carrying out what God has called us to do, even though it goes against everything we are taught in this world.

Pet Therapy

Starting fresh and moving to a new city can be full of excitement and new discoveries, but there are also times of feeling lonely. My roommate and I are usually on different schedules and so there were many points when the house would feel cold and empty during the times she was gone. Every little noise around the house at night would make me nervous. Even though there was always endless tasks to do around the house, the quietness of being by myself would be difficult at times.


My roommate and I talked about getting kittens before we moved into our apartment but never acted upon it until her birthday a year after we moved. I would have never imagined the effect having pets in the house can have on a person. Even though baby animals can be hell raisers at times, I realized those lonely hours were now lively and warm. God blessed with me with kittens that love to snuggle and be close to me constantly. While at times it can be hard work having pets, especially two rambunctious kittens, it can also add much love to a home.

Having a pet around can be good for the body and spirit. It has been studied that pets have been related to physical benefits such as lowering blood pressure, lowering cholesterol, and increasing exercise and activity. The simple act of petting an animal can be therapeutic and help with hypertension. According to Discovery Health, older people increase in alertness when caring for animals.



There are many emotional benefits that I never realized existed. Owning a pet can help decrease anxiety and depression. The entertaining creatures make us laugh and relax which in turn relieves stress. A pet can increase the release of endorphins and other hormones tied to pleasure receptors in the brain. They are great companions for when people are ill or dealing with grief. Pets are one of the best friends a person can have, filled with unconditional love.

There are probably several more benefits than I could name. Whenever I'm home alone for a night it's nice to have my buddies around to hang out with and keep me from worrying over every little noise. Hearing them breathe or stir around in the middle of the night helps with the eerie silence. I highly recommend for other post graduates like myself out there dealing with living on your own that you invest in a pet. If you are out of the house frequently I would recommend taking care of two pets. We have two kittens in our apartment that have become best comrades. I don't feel guilty being out of the house or out overnight because they have each other. Also, if you have heard infamous Tarzan and Jane stories, you know pets can be quite the conversation piece as well!

Spring Conferences

As a teacher, alongside the obvious planning and teaching, you must keep open communication with your students’ families. This includes informing parents/guardians about their child’s academic progress and daily behavior at school. This regular contact, whether it be in person, through phone, e-mail or written documents, is key to a smooth school year.

In addition to these frequent updates, most schools require parent-teacher conferences a couple times a year. I recently completed spring conferences and I thought I’d share some of my observations of what it takes to achieve an effective conference with successful long-term outcomes.

Second grade happens to be a year of innocence, fun and pure curiosity. It’s nearly impossible not to see the amazing qualities of each child at this age. Yes, of course all students have their “moments” (some more than others) where teachers begin to think, “What should I honestly try next to get this child to be successful, behave, sit down or stop crying?” But in my experience, school days are full of positive outcomes, incredible accomplishments and new discoveries. This creates indescribable relationships between teachers and their students and students among their peers. Each year, classrooms literally become communities (especially in the primary grades).

The most important thing I’ve learned about having a successful conference is, bottom line, parents want to know you like their child. This seems obvious, but when teachers are trying to convey academic concerns (among other issues), the positive aspects of the child almost seem to go by the waist side. It’s extremely important to praise each child’s accomplishments and let them and their families know how proud of them you are. Once this is established, it’s unbelievable how much more willing the child and their family will be to put extra effort into what you request.

I always begin by telling my students’ parents their child’s outstanding qualities. Personally, I adore each and every one of my students, so I find this to be the easy part of conferences. It’s more difficult for me to explain issues that need to be addressed, especially if it’s how that child is doing academically. I want to be able to say each child is a pleasure to have in class and they are progressing at a steady rate with the rest of the class. As we all know, this isn’t always the case. I’ve found it’s best to start with the positive, address any issues or concerns and end on another positive note.

Another important aspect to consider is whether or not to have students sit in on the conference. I’ve heard and read many theories on this topic. Those who think it’s appropriate, generally feel it’s imperative. The general consensus is the teacher shouldn’t be saying anything the child shouldn’t be hearing. On the other hand, some disapprove, claiming conferences are held to privately discuss the status of students without feeling as though the child’s feelings will be hurt. At this point, I’ve reached a middle ground approach for my conferences. I literally let the parents decide. If they arrive without the child, it’s obvious to me they assume conferences are for parents and they may even want to convey information to me without their child hearing. Nothing is mentioned on the matter and our adult-only conference takes place. In other situations, parents arrive with their child at side, asking, “Can he/she come in, or should they wait outside?” I reply by telling them it’s their decision. These conferences take place however the parent feels more comfortable.

During conferences where the child is present, there are positive and negative aspects. The positives include being able to compliment the child in front of their parent(s) and being able to address any issues with the child witnessing the contact between teacher and parent. Students may even be asked to explain behavior and what they are going to do to fix the problem. These can be extremely effective moments. The negatives include the uncomfortable moments of conveying low academic levels when it is out of the control of the child (learning disabilities, English Language Learners etc.) and being able to openly discuss personal situations occurring in the child’s life. I’ve disregarded the negatives by having the child step out of the room for the first or last portion of the conference in order to discuss things privately with the parent(s) if it’s necessary.

Along with knowing you like their child, parents also want to know how their kid compares to the rest of the students in your particular class. Each conference period, I create a grid to visually show parents how their child stacks up against my other students in various academic levels and assessments. I order the scores from greatest to least and highlight each area where their particular child lies on the spectrum. It’s an extremely effective way to share academic levels while conveying where those scores lie within the rest of the class.

Lastly, it’s important to keep conferences within the allotted time. I tend to schedule my time slots with breathing room in between in case unexpected issues or topics of discussion arise. After all, these are some of the only times you get to sit down and have the undivided attention of your students’ only other advocates! Celebrate this opportunity and take advantage of the fact that you have support behind what you put your heart and soul into.

Afternoon trip to Bainbridge Island

The journey is just as memorable as the destination. It's the ferry ride to Bainbridge Island. The ferry system is a staple to Seattle and riding one to an island of your choice can be a fun day trip on a dry day.




This particular day was an unusual February day in Seattle, temperatures in the high 50's to low 60's. It's a crime to not be outdoors during dry and mild weather in Seattle. Even though the wind can get gusty on the top deck of the ferry it's worth the stroll around the boat to see the Puget Sound and the city skyline at all angles and various views. Brad and I took the car across in search for an adventure in Poulsbo, a town about 30 minutes from the island coast.



Once we reached the other side of the Sound it was exploring time. A small island lifestyle was what was in store for us. We stopped for a beverage at a restaurant down on Winslow St. in downtown Bainbridge. It was a small town, very lush with a tranquil setting. From Bainbridge we drove to Poulsbo where we found a quaint Nordic town with shopping and dining. We checked out the boat docks and walked the quiet town as everything was closing around sunset. One downside of a small town is the night life is very limited. One of our favorite findings was a bakery called Sluys' Bakery in the middle of town with late hours. Between pastries, cookies, and donuts our mouths were watering. It's not very often you come across such fresh treats during the evening. We settled on a snickerdoodle and a buttery lemon croissant-like pastry. We enjoyed our decadent desserts during the drive back to the ferry on our way home.



Photo credit: Brad Bowen Photography

Desire shine?

I’ve officially started my Spring Cleaning process. Not only does this involve square footage cleaning, but also getting rid of the “stuff” I’m not using. I always forget how good it feels to stop hoarding things I literally forgot were in my closets.

While pulling out my cleaning products, it dawned upon me how a few staple items have become essential for the type of “clean” I desire. In my youth, I was responsible for a variety of chores. One of my regular chores was bathroom duty. I would mop the tile floors, clean the toilets, organize and disinfect the counters and sinks and make the mirrors shiny again. I grew up using Windex® for just about everything. However, I’ve found a replacement and don’t think I’ll ever go back.

Sprayway® Glass Cleaner is by far the best glass cleaning product I’ve ever used. It truly makes any glass shine. You are left with a streak free surface every time, which so many products claim yet fail to do. It has minimal scent, if any, which in itself is a bonus in comparison to other glass cleaners. I use it to clean glass, mirrors, windows and even my laptop screen. It dries extremely quickly too! I would recommend you try this product whenever you run out of your current blue cleaner as you’ll be instantly amazed and hooked.

Myth 5

Below is an excerpt from Shannon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn's Every Young Woman's Battle. This particular passage has given me a different perspective in understanding the battle in many relationships specifically dealing with emotional compromise. This book is a great read for anyone desiring to achieve or reclaim sexual purity and integrity. It teaches the importance of guarding your mind, heart and body when it comes to dealing with love in a society that promotes sex, attention from guys, emotional compromise and other harmful pressures that women deal with.

In a list of seven myths the authors gave that "intensify our struggle," here was one that stood out to me, Myth 5:

My love will save him. I can change him.

Don't make the mistake of dating a guy who needs some major repair work before you could consider him marriage material. Many young women are drawn to a guy's wild, rebellious side and then set out on a mission to mold him into the kind of man they really want him to be. We hate to break it to you, but you can't change or save anyone. Only God is in the business of doing that successfully. The research has already been done. A woman's love does not change a broken man's behavior. It only validates it. Her love says to him, "You are okay the way you are!"

When a young woman attempts to be her boyfriend's savior, she often gets hurt big time. In his book The Biblical Basis of Christian Counseling for People Helpers, Gary Collins gives us insight into this reality as he explains the "messiah complex"

The "messiah complex" refers to the tendency for caring people....to become rescuers who try to deliver other from their problems and difficult life circumstances. At times, almost all of us want to be like messiahs, saving people from their dysfunctional families, enslaving addictions, or self-destructive lifestyles....

But when people try to be rescuers, the rescuers almost always end up being hurt. Even so, we are still tempted at times to be like a messiah. A friend states, "It would be nice if I could rescue people from their pain and release them from their problems...but whenever I am tempted to try taking on that role, I remember how powerless I am and I think about what happened to the real Messiah. He was crucified."

If you don't care to be crucified emotionally in a dating relationship, leave the saving and changing of others to the Lord. Instead, simply pray for guys who have a lot of growing up and changing to do before they can be considered good marriage material.

Remember, what you date is what you are going to marry. Be sure that the young men you date do not need a character overhaul, by you or anyone else.

Pea Pesto

Someone’s going to start thinking I really love food. Well, I do and I love this deep-down feeling I have for being my own personal homemaker.

I already completed my search for the perfect food processor! I decided to go with the Cuisinart DLC Mini-Prep Plus. It has a 4-cup capacity, which I believe is the perfect size. I don’t really know what you’d use a gigantic food processor for. Mine would probably stay in the back of the pantry. (Sound familiar?)

I was so excited to test out my new product I ran to the grocery store to pick up the necessary ingredients for a food-processor-required recipe. Not only is the cute little machine speedy, but also it’s only moderately noisy and so darn easy to clean! I couldn’t have asked for more; my research truly paid off. Thank you to the amazon.com reviewers!

I found a winning kitchen companion, but I also fell in love with a new recipe during the testing process. It’s a healthy version of the infamous, interchangeable pesto. You can spread it on a toasted baguette or cracker, mix it into pasta or use it to coat meat, fish or even vegetables. You must try it! This recipe is brought to you by Giada De Laurentiis.

Pea Pesto

1 (10-ounce) package frozen peas, defrosted

1 garlic clove

½ cup grated Parmesan

1 teaspoon kosher salt

½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

¼ cup olive oil

Pulse all ingredients together until the pesto maintains the desired consistency.

Be a Balayage Babe

My hair has been almost every color under the sun and back and forth to those colors many times, to the point where I define a chapter of my life by my hair color. For example: Me-"Oh yeah I remember that trip... it was in 2004 because I had blonde hair then." It's a little pathetic. I always desired my hair to either be super dark or super light, which neither one of those options is my natural hair color, light brown. You always want what you don't have, right? I never had a problem with my hair color in the summer, since the boring brown hair became highlighted with golds and bronzes. It looked beachy and sun-kissed. Yet in the fall I hated the growth and by the time winter hit, I had dull mousy brown hair. With so much drastic dying, my hair became course and fried, and the high price tag for the blonde bleached locks was definitely making a dent in my bank account.

I wanted to enhance and embrace my natural hair color but I didn't know how.

When explaining this hair headache with my most recent hair stylist in Seattle, she told me about a new hair procedure that will give me that natural sun-kissed look. It's a process that originated in France during the 1970's called "balayage." The technique, that consists of hand painting hair with singles, slants and V-like strokes, gradually highlights the hair from root to tip, thinner at the root and chunkier toward the tip. The french word balayage literally means "to sweep."The sweeping motion used creates a natural look without the uniformity of foils. It has little maintenance and more contrast in the hair. It not only eliminates the lines from using foils but eliminates the damage of hair that foils can create under heat. I was all about this idea. Even though the price tag is a bit higher than a weave, one can go as long as 5-6 months without upkeep. AND instead of looking like you just came out of a salon, you like you just came from the beach! Blondes or brunettes can take advantage of this fascinating process to create natural highlights. You can ask your hairstylist how intense you want the highlights and the placement (front, ends, middle). The placement can be key according to your haircut, style, or face shape.

I was very nervous about dying my hair since I spent the last couple of years growing it out to it's natural hair color to gain control on the health that deteriorated from all the damage from dyes. Low and behold the hairstylist did an incredible job and now I'm sold. I can have my beachy golden strands all year round with limited maintenance. Some examples of balayage fans: Jennifer Aniston and Gisele Bündchen

Smoothie, milkshake, frozen margarita?

I found a new kitchen gadget I’d like to share. I’ve been searching high and low for the perfect blender and/or food processor.

I haven’t been known to frequently use a blender. Like most, I had a “smoothie phase” when my blender tended to live on the counter for easy access. After awhile, I found myself growing lazy because my individual smoothies didn’t seem worth the process of cleaning the large, heavy (for my weak arms anyway), glass blender. The bottom line though is there are moments when one needs a blender for the occasional quick smoothie, iced coffee or delicious milkshake. As I said, I’d also love a food processor, but blender-food processor duos all seem to have terrible ratings. The food processor hunt will have to wait.

After touching base with Consumer Reports online (a wonderful tool I must add) and a couple other websites, I realized I might need to drop the idea of investing in a great blender for my “future” (who wants a mediocre kitchen gadget?). Perhaps I needed to purchase a single-serve blender for this chapter of my life. After all, how often am I really going to need to whip up a giant batch of blended liquids? And who says I can’t just whip up a couple smaller ones? In fact… maybe my guests will all want different drinks and I’ll have to do them all separately anyway? To be honest… these questions didn’t really come up until I started writing, but they’re semi-valid, right?

To make a long story long… I found my match. I read decent reviews on the Hamilton Beach^®
Single-Serve Blender and decided to try it out (Walmart has a great return policy). Not only is it slim, compact and affordable, but it’s also extremely convenient! It’s a plastic cup you can remove from the base and walk out the door with. It’s supposed to be able to fit into most car cup holders (haven’t tried that out yet) and it’s dishwasher safe! Could it get any better?

It could. Was it powerful enough… for ice? I had to test this out. When I got my new purchase home I tried out a simple smoothie consisting of frozen blueberries, rice milk, acai juice and banana. It blended the mixture with ease (I added enough liquid as you’d have to do with any blender). Then I was onto the real test of just solid ice cubes and water. The ice cubes were transformed into a uniform slush consistency within a minute. Woo hoo… I’ve found my match! Now, onto the search for the perfect food processor (the recipes are stacking up).