To Have And To Hold

Last week, intriguing conversation arose while studying the book of Matthew with friends. In The Sermon on the Mount, divorce is discussed in verses 31-32 of Chapter 5. The gist of this passage states those who get a divorce or enter into a relationship with someone who has been divorced caused by the sin of adultery is committing adultery.

Our discussion was riveting, but I found myself personally wrestling with one question brought to the table. If unfaithfulness occurs (sexual immortality, abuse etc.) in a marriage, should both parties be devoted to the covenant they made, continue in the marriage and work together to honor God? In other words, if my spouse abused me or committed adultery, is it my responsibility to continue to pray for him, remain in the covenant of marriage and stay devoted to him as a wife? My initial human response is, No, I don’t deserve that, as I’ve remained faithful. However, when we choose to enter into a marriage, isn’t God calling us to a greater purpose than simply satisfying our own needs and desires? Isn’t marriage so much more than a piece of life intended to fulfill our worldly happiness?

As we continued to discuss various perceptions, a couple of personal stories surfaced. Both stories were recent and true.

The first was about a couple married for quite some time; they had children. The husband was not a Christian, while the wife was and they entered and lived their marriage as so. The husband developed a drinking problem and eventually began abusing the wife and young children. While the wife was scared for herself as well as her children, she did not want to leave her husband because she had made a commitment to him and God the day they made their vows. For safety, she and the children moved into a different house, while she continued to remain in the marriage. She prayed for her husband daily and reassured him she would not break her commitment to him. After five years, her husband came to know the Lord, repented of his sinful nature and their marriage was restored. Today, they have a faithful, loving marriage and they use their story as a testimony of the power of God’s promises.

The second story was about a couple also married for quite a few years. The husband traveled frequently. While away, the wife continuously cheated on her husband. After a few years, her husband became knowledgeable of the adultery his wife had committed. The husband went to his wife and apologized profusely for not being a better husband for her to feel as though she needed to seek elsewhere. She wept as she admitted her wrongdoing. They worked through this pain and are living in a committed marriage to this day.

Both stories highlighted strong character to me. In the first, the woman was inconceivably faithful to God and her promise in marriage. She held her commitment to the Lord and her husband by completely putting her own desires aside and literally giving her life to God. Through her faithfulness, she was rewarded. In the second story, the actions of the husband shocked me. Of course, the wife had made her decision to be unfaithful in her marriage and admitted to doing so, but the character of the man to take spiritual responsibility for what went wrong, is beyond description.

This concept of faithfulness is obviously applicable to the covenant of marriage, but what about looking at it from the standpoint of our calling to be obedient to God in all aspects? We are called to do radical things from a worldly outlook. We have to learn to put our flesh aside and fully submit ourselves to a God who loves us unconditionally and promises to fulfill even the unknown desires of our heart. It’s inspiring to have tangible examples of human flesh carrying out what God has called us to do, even though it goes against everything we are taught in this world.